The Hardest Job You’ll Ever Love
Parenting is by far the hardest job any of us will ever have but it is also the most wonderful. While raising kids can be a challenge there are few that don’t consider it the greatest blessing one can have. That doesn’t mean, however, that there won’t be challenges or stressful times along the way. Certain circumstances and seasons of our lives can be far more stressful than others. How we react to those stresses is critical for our family’s growth and our children’s sense of wellbeing. Taking mental health breaks can help us as parents to stay calm despite daily stresses that come our way.
The coronavirus pandemic has certainly been a source of stress for our families. So many of us have been experiencing anxiety, depression, and grief during this time. Being constantly together within the confines of our homes can wear on our nerves – especially when the kids won’t settle down or we try to take on more than we’re used to. These current circumstances certainly qualify as stressful. But how are we reacting to the current stresses that we’re facing? And how can we make sure that we are responding in appropriate ways?
Turtle Time
Imagine a turtle who lives on the beach. The turtle enjoys his life overall: surfing the ocean waves, snacking on algae, sunning on the rocks, and swimming with his family. Every so often, the turtle will encounter some sort of challenge or danger. For instance, the danger might be a coconut falling out of a tree. In those cases, his strong turtle shell protects him. The coconut rolls right off the shell and the turtle continues on with his day. Sometimes, more serious dangers arise and the turtle has to retreat inside of his shell for protection. Occasionally, the turtle will get flipped onto his back by a major storm and will need some help to get right-side up again.
In some ways, the turtle represents our own lives. When stresses come barreling at us, we are able to work through most of them and continue with our day. Bigger stresses, however, can test us and our limits. In those cases, we might need to take a moment and step back from the situation (retreat inside our shell) to process what has happened and calm down. And occasionally, those bigger stresses can tip us over and cause us to react in ways we normally wouldn’t. In those cases where we find ourselves flat on our backs, we need help to get back on our feet.
Stress and Anger
Some of us have likely felt angry over the last few weeks. Our worlds have changed, uncertainty about the future can be overwhelming, and the stresses keep mounting. But what is anger and how does stress have a part in it?
Anger is a secondary emotion that is the result of combining hurt and worry. We feel hurt when something in our day didn’t go as we had planned, or when we are let down and disappointed. Worry occurs when we start focusing on the “what if” questions. These “what if” questions can fuel feelings of anxiety if they are not kept in check. When you combine hurt and worry, they mix like baking soda and vinegar in the heart of a model volcano. Anger will erupt and you’ll end up like a turtle on his back.
It’s important that we take mental health breaks and check in with ourselves frequently throughout the day to make sure we keep those emotions from mixing. Next, we will look at some practical ways to ensure that your feet are on the ground and that you’re staying right-side up.
Tips for Staying Right-Side Up
The moment before an explosion rocks your shell and flips you onto your back is caused by an overload of stress. Stresses such as sensory overloads or feeling like more is expected of you than you can offer can tip you off balance. In extremely stressful situations, such as the coronavirus pandemic, we can unintentionally lash out at our children. Here are some ways to try and prevent a backflip and to protect your child in case you do end up on your back.
Remember: if you or someone you know tends to get flipped onto their back often or needs some help staying right-side up, don’t hesitate to talk to a counselor online or over the phone. If you are concerned about safety, reach out to a friend or a licensed counselor.
S.T.O.P.
In survival situations, being able to slow down and focus is absolutely critical to staying alive. Students of survival skills training are taught the acronym S.T.O.P. to help them make it through dangerous situations. Using this same acronym and technique can be extremely helpful in our own lives when we feel we’ve reached the tipping point.
When you feel the stresses mounting and need a mental health break, follow these steps:
Stop. Consciously take a mental pause.
Think. Ask yourself, “What am I feeling? Why I am I reacting this way?”
Observe. Notice, “What is going on around me?”
Plan. Decide, “What am I going to do now?”
Stop every hour to take a mental health break. Be mindful of how you are doing. Go through the steps listed above. Learn to identify what disappointments you may have faced in the last hour and identify the “what if” questions that have been running through your mind.
Be aware of your own feelings. Ask yourself what thoughts are driving those feelings. Perhaps ask, “What’s expected of me? Am I worried that I can’t measure up?” or “What am I really expecting of myself? Is it reasonable?” Notice when you are annoyed or overwhelmed and are becoming angry. Once you are aware, choose to take a break and deal with your emotions before you try to deal with your screaming child’s emotions.
You may want to use a timer or alarm to alert you each hour. Need a visual reminder to stop and take a break? You and your kids can take some time to make these fun felt turtles. It will not only be a fun craft to bond with your kids over but will remind you how important it is to stay right side up.
It’s critical to routinely stop and figure out why you are feeling on edge. Figuring out the cause and taking time to step back for a moment is an important step in calming down and staying on your feet.